Today it hit 90 degrees in Seattle. The weather prognosticators say the next two days will be the hottest of the year. Tomorrow is supposed to be 95. For Seattle, these are apocalyptic temperatures. 90 degrees is something nobody in Seattle thinks about until it happens. Then all local hardware stores sell out of their fans, portable air conditioners, and ice makers.

I can only laugh.

I grew up in the 125 degree Las Vegas heat; today was a nice spring day. Yes, I grew up with air conditioning. That’s beside the point. My ability to take heat is a matter of regional pride. I remember driving auto parts around the city one summer with no air conditioning in my car. Sweat would evaporate before it could run down my face. Remember, it’s a DRY heat.

It’s a real consideration. Humidity in Puget Sound hovers between 40%-70%. 90 degrees feels a little more… insane oppressive. Nowhere near the hellish breathable air of a southern summer, with 100 degree temps and 100% humidity. I have felt such things. I will pass down these memories to my grandchildren, scaring them into good behavior. I will tell them if they don’t behave, they will be taken to the mythical land of Mississippi, where people go in the summer to be punished for their sins.

It’s not far from the truth. Right?

Anyways, I found myself sweating in my office today. No A/C, no fans. Just me, computers, a server, an open window, and no air movement. I got up for a moment and found that my clothing had bonded into a single garment held together by bodily fluids. Ew. I find our ability to sweat to be a design flaw. It is supposed to cool us down. It fails. (much like histamines–they’re supposed to protect our body from foreign toxins; all they do is make me miserable and drug companies richer.)

I digress. It’s uncomfortably warm. All of Seattle is complaining about it. I refuse. I’ve paid my dues at the altar of the sun god. I’ve survived heat that could kill a person. (truth–I almost had a Couch Surfer die because she didn’t follow my suggestions for dealing with a Vegas summer) Seattle, you need to get over your 2 days of 90 degree temps. If the rest of the U.S. hears you, you’re gonna get jumped in the parking lot. True story.