The (In)Sanity of Impending Fatherhood

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Leia seems a little confused…

It’s official. I’m going to be a dad. Which means in the last month, I’ve become the liberal stereotype: I’m going to grad school and having my first child. AT THE SAME TIME. I’m going to have to start brewing a lot more beer…

Last Friday my wife and I went in for her first ultrasound. We had known for a few weeks that she was pregnant. We didn’t want to say anything until we saw the heartbeat. It was a strong 166bpm (which is apparently very good for a protohuman barley the size of a raspberry). The kid already has crazy cardio endurance!

When Heather told me she was pregnant, it took a few days to sink in. At first, I didn’t know how to feel. We’d been trying for a while. It was something we were committed to and wanted. Still, the “concept” of having a child was much different than the “reality.” All of a sudden, shizzle got real. Perhaps it was a mild form of shock; or at least disbelief.

I was all like...
I was all like…

Then I saw a live shot of the little heart beating. A switch flipped in my brain and for the first time I was ecstatic about fatherhood. I helped make that little heart. Now, for the rest of my life, that little heart has a place in my own. I’ve made very few lifelong commitments. The first, when I married Heather. Now… I’m going to be a parent. Forever! I have no words to describe the crazy amount of emotions that went through me at that point. It was like understanding the meaning of life and tasting chocolate for the first time. Mind=blown.

paranoidThen a few things happened after that switch flipped in my brain. First, I was like “Holy crap! I made a human being! I have successfully passed on my genetic code! Go me!” Then the whole universe became a terrifying funhouse of insanity. That road in front of our house? Death trap. That guy walking his dog down the road? Possible mass murderer. The tables in our living room? Concussion generators.  Everything in the world suddenly had the potential to inflict serious harm. To a guy who usually sees the world “glass half full,” I was unaccustomed to severe paranoia.

vB2eYSQ (1)I’m also incredibly worried/cautious to touch Heather’s belly. What if I do something wrong? Or put too much pressure? This alternates with wanting to hug/squeeze/hold her because that means I’m closer to my potential son/daughter. This is insanity. I always knew parents were all a little crazy… I thought it was because of the lack of sleep and constant running around. Little did I figure that it was a constant state of hypervigilance and protection instinct.

Hopefully, this will mellow over time. I’m pretty sure it will. Thankfully, I have a plethora of role models to draw from. My own parents; Heather’s parents; many of my friends (some of whom have kids graduating from High School). I don’t have to go this alone. Which is a huge relief; because I don’t know what the hell I’m doing at this point.

greatest_dad_mugI’m trying to read all the books and know all the things. I’ve also been told enough times that you really do just “figure it out as you go.” You can prepare all you want, but you don’t know how to ride a bike until you actually ride a frackin’ bike. Who needs training wheels? Not this guy. It’s time to earn that “world’s best dad” coffee mug…

Wealth, wages and having enough…

15hrA few stories on the news cycle have caught my attention. First, the fight discussion about raising the minimum wage to $15 an hour. Then the not so revelation that we live in an oligarchy and not a democracy. Finally, the third National Climate Assessment released by the U.S. Global Change Research Program. Put all of them together and things do not bode well for our young heroes.

There is a Chinese curse: “May you live in interesting times.” Well, it doesn’t get more interesting than this. Luckily, I feel there is a glimmer of hope. It’ll take blood, sweat, tears and sacrifice. But perhaps we’ve lived too long in somatic comfort and we need a wake-up call. Here it is:

6_kannerCorporate capitalism has failed our workers, our environment and our freedom.

Hence the fight for a $15/hr minimum wage. Opponents shout “job killer” and “socialist” and “anti-American.” The truth is that currently, unless you’re making $15/hr a family of 4 isn’t even scraping by. In Washington State (where I live) the “living wage” for a family of 4 is $19.63/hr working full time 40 hours a week with benefits. This is just to live. Not to get ahead. Or save for college. Or deal with unexpected medical emergencies. Or a broken down car. Or to put a down payment on a home.

bs131213This is unacceptable. In a country as rich in resources, talent and technology as ours there is no reason a person working full time 40 hours a week shouldn’t be able to improve their circumstances. The most basic worker should be able to afford housing, food, education and be able to put a little aside for savings. The fight for a minimum wage just forces the issue because it’s been proven corporations and their owners are unwilling to pay a living wage.

Why? Because corporations care more about profit than they do about human beings and the communities they do business in. They don’t care about the worker, the family, or quality of life. They only have one mission: to provide executives and shareholders with growing profits. That’s it. Once upon a time, corporations used to serve the community. No longer.

mar-apr-large-600x419Another ramification of the gradual personhood of corporations is the destruction of our ecosystem. Oh yes, Americans have benefitted from this with our enormous cars, bottled water and cheap Wal-Mart goods. We’ve grown fat off our consumption so we don’t care about (and some even deny) the impacts our consumption has had on the environment. Don’t let the facts get in the way of MY lifestyle. Unfortunately the facts are forcing the issue.

As long as corporations (and the people behind them) only care about profit, environmental sustainability and human freedom will always take second seat to minimizing costs and maximizing returns. Remember, extreme wealth only exists because 1) it was built on the backs of workers 2) we allow money=speech 3) we let it exist.

live-simplyNow we are faced with a choice. Either drastically change our behavior, or face a future of extreme weather, rising sea levels and an increasingly uninhabitable world. This means learning moderation. Saying “no” to 60” televisions and fancy sports cars and million dollar mansions. Realizing that the community is just as important as the individual. Learning how to be content with $40k/yr, and changing the system so that $40k/yr can provide everything we need and a few things we want.

walking towardsIf we don’t change, it’s our children who will suffer. It’s my child who will suffer. Hell, a lot of people are going to suffer. Most of them poor, vulnerable and working so I can have a smart phone and designer clothes. I’m just another guilty man caught up in our economic machine. I’m trying to change; reducing what I consume and learning to live happily with less. But every small step I take towards economic justice is another small battle won against  tyranny. I only hope people are walking with me.