What Christmas is (supposedly) about…

On December 24, 2013December 24, 2013 By Justin AlmeidaIn LifeLeave a comment

For the past seven years of our marriage, Heather and I have given alternative gifts for Christmas. Usually we make donations to non-profit organizations in the name of friends and family. This year, we’re adding home crafted items to the mix. Heather is making tasty treats, we have quite a few bottles of homemade raspberry wine, and I have some home roasted coffee and homebrew that will be given out.

Ok, I may have purchased a few presents... but they're VERY functional. — Ok, I may have purchased a few presents… but they’re VERY functional.

It’s not that we’re anti-capitalist or don’t believe in the spirit of Christmas. Gift giving is an important human ritual that solidifies relationships and strengthens bonds. We also haven’t gone native and decided that a hipster Christmas is better. I just believe modern American gift giving is redundant in our instant gratification society. My friends pretty much have everything they really NEED, and within my modest budget, they already have everything they really WANT. I also don’t want to add to their “stuff.” (Which I am decidedly against)

That’s why donating money to deserving organizations was a no brainer. We take the money we would otherwise have spent on stupid stuff and allow that money to make the world a better place. It’s like paying Christmas forward. Our intent is to honor our loved ones with a gesture of charity. This year, we’ve chosen three organizations which we believe are making positive contributions to our home in Seattle, our home in Las Vegas, and to the overall world.

Man, I may have to be naughty this year... — At least it’s local?

The crafted items for this Christmas happen to be byproducts of where we live. Seattle inspires people to make local, and the more homemade the better. While we are far from knitting beanies sheared from our backyard herd of sheep, it’s pretty awesome to give a bottle of wine made from raspberries grown in our garden, fermented in our home, and bottled in our kitchen. (Hopefully the wine is good–it won’t be ready to open until August 2014!) I’ve also been making some pretty decent homebrew and I haven’t met a coffee drinker who doesn’t like fresh roasted coffee. The best part is, we made these things by hand: we’re not only giving a product, but our time and passion. Now THAT’S love.

It really is the gift that keeps giving... — It really is the gift that keeps giving…

My belief in gift giving works both ways, too. There are only a few things I really want for Christmas. First, I want people to donate. It doesn’t have to be in my or Heather’s name. Just do it. Find a great organization you believe in and drop them a Benjamin or volunteer some time. I will enjoy that a lot more than any DVD or collector’s edition velvet Elvis. If you MUST get me a thing, then get me something I can eat or drink. Small batch craft spirits are a great choice, but so are rare beers, coffee, and chocolate. Heck, make me a tray of smoked chocolate coffee cardamom brownies.

Really, make me some of those brownies. Pretty please. With sprinkles.

In any case, just rethink your gift giving. Consider what you REALLY want/need. The world is already filled with too much stupid crap and there are too many people who need things like food, shelter, clothing and most importantly, love. Which is what this season is supposed to be about, right?

Why I (still) believe in miracles…

On December 20, 2013December 24, 2013 By Justin AlmeidaIn Life3 Comments

That's right... I married into a clan of Scots... — That’s right… I married into a clan of Scots…

I have two families. The one I was born into and the one I married into. I know plenty of people who don’t get along with their in-laws. I’m one of the lucky few who not only get along with them, but love them deeply. They’re genuinely kind, overwhelmingly generous and welcomed me into the Ferguson/Marty clans with open arms. When Heather and I married, I truly gained another Mother and Father.

Having two fathers is a blessing. Both are men of deep faith, conviction and kindness. Neither are perfect, but they don’t have to be. Whatever flaws they have, they overcome them with courage and forgiveness. Which is why my heart broke when, just after Thanksgiving, I learned that my father-in-law was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. Doctors give him 6 months to 2 years to live.

Who else can get away with this? Not me!

Mr. Ferguson Andy has pretty much done everything right. He has a healthy prayer life, exercises regularly, doesn’t smoke and drinks only sparingly. He just recently retired with my mother-in-law after a lifetime of service to our national parks. He lives in his dream house in his dream community. He lived life in accordance to the laws of God and man. If anything can be called premature, horrible and utterly unfair, it’s this diagnosis.

His response has been shockingly simple: listen to the doctors, follow the treatments, continue living life with integrity and purpose, and most importantly “God’s will be done.” It almost sounds absurdly zen, especially for a man who would be justified in being confused, angry and in crying out: “As surely as God lives, who has denied me justice, the Almighty, who has made my life bitter…” (Job 27:2) Yet this is who Andy is; “God’s will be done.”

As the son-in-law, my role in all of this is to be the supporter; the solid foundation for Heather. She’s the one losing her biological father. I’ve only been able to call Andy “father” for 7 years. Which has been much too short; but I’ll continue to take what I can get. So I smile and love as much as I possibly can for both of my families.

The truth is, I’m hurting inside. I’m barely holding my grief in check. Like a little boy, I want to be selfish and cry and tell life to get the hell away; to tell death to stay away from both my fathers. To cry out and say “THIS IS UNFAIR! I WANT MORE TIME!”

But I’m not a little boy. I’ve learned a few things from the men in my life. The strength I have right now comes from what my fathers have taught/shown me:

Listening to sage advise or talking about girls. Can't remember which... — Listening to sage advise or talking about girls. Can’t remember which…

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”

I also know a little secret. I’ve experienced a certain amount of serendipity in my life and Andy has a track record of beating the odds overcoming obstacles. He was in a serious motorcycle accident years ago, was told he may never walk (much less run) again; he ran anyways. He has already beaten cancer twice while finding time to work on his house, never mind the chemo treatments. He is a man of no excuses. If ever a man can defy the odds through strength of character or will of God, it is my father-in-law.

Which is why I still believe in miracles. Just being part of this family; my being married to Heather; my privilege in having more than I deserve… they are all small miracles, and they exist. Therefore, there’s hope. Always hope…

What am I (really) afraid of?

On November 3, 2013November 3, 2013 By Justin AlmeidaIn Life7 Comments

Halloween has passed. Kiddos ran around in costumes. Adults ran around in skimpier costumes. Everybody should be crashing from their sugar high. I love that we have a day where we confront devils and demons and things that go bump in the night. It allows us to face fear with a smile. But what I’m really trying to do is confront/distract/convince myself into believing I’m not afraid of death.

I know it’s ok to be afraid of it. Death is the end of conscious existence. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I really like my conscious existence. My biology fights tooth and nail to hold on to every second of living. No wonder human beings have propagated thousands of stories about what happens after death and many more about how to live forever. It gives a false sense of security that maybe, just maybe, death can be cheated.

I don’t want to live in fear of death anymore. So I recently stopped worrying about the afterlife. It can’t be proven outside of a leap of faith and I’m no longer willing to entertain the idea. Most religions follow a pretty (not so) simple path to paradise: be a righteous person in how you live in order to gain spiritual rewards later. If I don’t follow the rules, I am damned for eternity.

But what happens when I stop believing? Do I no longer have any incentive to be a “good” person? I figure just because I no longer look towards heaven doesn’t mean I have to be a dick. I don’t need damnation to coerce me into doing the right thing. Kindness is still the key to my immortality!

All my grandparents have passed away, some aunts and uncles too; I had a friend (Daryl) pass more than ten years ago. Each of those people made an impression on me. Their smiles, kind words and personalities are all inside my memory. On days like Halloween, when I am supposed to laugh in the face of death, I take a moment to bring the dead back to life. I mourn that they are gone; I celebrate the fact that they lived, and let me live with them.

In order to overcome my fear of death, I had to just accept that it will happen and stop worrying about what would happen after. Like my deceased loved ones, the only way I’ll get to live past my time is by making an impression on the hearts and minds of the people around me. My personal preference is to be remembered for being a good man. Therefore, I still strive for righteousness; but focused on the here and now, rather than the here and after.

(Rejecting) The Seven Year Itch

On October 21, 2013 By Justin AlmeidaIn Life6 Comments

I could never forget that kiss... — I could never forget that kiss…

Today is Heather and my 7^th wedding anniversary. It seems like we’ve been married much longer than that. It’s probably because we’ve done a lot of crazy things since 2006. Peace Corps, Europe, moving to Washington state, getting a dog, buying a house; we’ve stuffed quite a bit of experience into our relationship. There have been many more ups than downs (the ups being quite a bit higher than the downs have been deep). To show you how cheesy we can be, we waited until midnight to go to bed last night just so we could say “I love you” at the start of our day.

We’ve known each other since 1998 when we met at KLVX PBS 10. Fifteen years of experience, friendship and love. As I mentioned before, our relationship has mellowed over time. However, I feel just as passionate now as when we met. There was something about her; maybe it was the red hair, or her kindness, or that small glint of mischievousness in the corner of her eye. I still can’t put my finger on it, but there is a feeling you get when your heart attaches to another person. Through different relationships and jobs and life choices I can honestly say I was always in love with Heather.

And I got to marry the girl who got away.

So now people are asking me about the “7 year itch.” Apparently, this is supposed to mark a low period in the satisfaction of married life. Men and women are supposed to feel “itchy” to get out and renew romance and sexual adventure after becoming bored in the daily routine. I’ll have to ask Heather at dinner tonight, but I feel very satisfied in our marriage. Yes, it’s time to spice things up in the sex department. It’s also very healthy to reevaluate roles and behaviors in any relationship over a period of time. That’s what a relationship is. But I am not going to use some stupid phrase as an excuse to lapse on my commitment to my wife.

I recently learned through an NPR article about a website called ashleymadison.com; a networking website for married people looking for affairs. There are a number of studies about the reasons people cheat. I’m ashamed to admit it, but I’ve been a cheater in my past. I’ve also been cheated on. I have no good reason for why I did it; sometimes it was for the thrill of doing something forbidden, sometimes it was just plain opportunity. There is no good reason; I was a selfish, immature dick.

However, Heather inspires me to be a better man than that. She inspires me to want to be the best partner to her that I can be. I fail constantly; many times I put other things at a higher priority than her, whether it’s playing computer games or watching TV. Honestly, I get lazy. Whatever the cause, it’s stupidity on my part. On our anniversary today, I’m reminded that she is the most important relationship I have in my life. This comes with the responsibility to NOT take her for granted.

Heather has given me seven years of her life and it has been filled with amazing adventures. She is well worth the time and effort of my full attention, affection and love. All I can do today is ask her forgiveness for the times I have not been the best man I could be; to trust that I will continue to become a better partner with her; and to believe in a future, years from now, where we will look back on our 7 year anniversary and know that my promises were fulfilled.

(Romanian) Things I miss…

On October 15, 2013October 16, 2013 By Justin AlmeidaIn Life4 Comments

When I asked Heather to marry me, she had one caveat: “You have to serve in Peace Corps with me.” Her father had served in Nicaragua in the mid 70s and she grew up with stories of volunteering in a developing country. Inspired by adventure, she wanted to share the experience with her future spouse. At the time, I was looking for an out from the TV industry and neither of us had any crazy debt, so I decided “what the hell.” We were married in October 2006 and were on a plane to Romania in February 2007.

Romania was a wonderful, exciting, beautiful, challenging and old country. For 27 months we lived in a tiny town called Drobeta Turnu Severin. It was founded along the Danube river which formed the southwest border with Serbia. Our town is featured in Trian’s column in Rome and we got used to 2000 year old artifacts just hanging out around the area. I worked in non-profit development and Heather did environmental education and policy.

When we moved to Seattle, we found a local Romaian meetup group that holds a cultural party every summer. It has quickly become one of my favorite yearly events. I get to eat Romanian food, drink Romanian beer and flex my rusty Romanian language muscles. Most of all, it reminds me of how much I miss Romania.

Sunday morning musica populara. Much like the call to prayer from a minaret, Sunday mornings were filled with prayer from the orthodox churches. Townsfolk would also blare traditional Romanian music from their windows. This mostly happened in spring and summer and we looked forward to those mornings. She would make clatite (crepes) and we would enjoy coffee before heading out for the day.

Follow instructions... — Follow instructions…

Ţuică. Romanians have a delicious moonshine that they make from plums, apples or cherries. Ranging from 100-160 proof, it’s a clear alcohol that is delicious and potent. Every family makes it and a lot of pride is carried on its quality. I quickly fell in love with its slow burn and slightly sweet taste. It’s really hard to find in the Seattle area, so when I do find it I imbibe heavily.

Mici. Romanian barbequed sausages. Spiced and prepared with mineral water, no celebration is complete without these tasty little buggers.

Lapte de la bunica. Romanian milk comes cow warm. It’s delicious and not pasteurized in the slightest. Grandmothers sell it on street corners. When I came back to the U.S. I couldn’t drink our milk anymore because it tasted like chemicals. (This genre also includes Romanian cheese… specifically brunza)

Trainul personala. There are three different types to trains you can take in country. This is the slowest, cheapest one available. Most people will take this to travel within the region. It always offers an adventure, whether it is a gypsy trying to sell you gold jewelry or a grandmother trying to beat you down for opening the window on a hot summer day and letting the breeze inside.

Curent. This would be the breeze. Romanian superstition believes that if you open any two portals to the outside world (windows, doors, etc) which allows for the movement of air (aka. “a draft”) inside a room, you will come down with a number of serious medical ailments. Curent is the cause of teeth falling out, ovaries drying up, cancer, headaches, internal bleeding, and in serious cases, death. If anything caused a clash between American and Romanian culture, it was this. You could be stuck inside a packed train car in 110 degree weather, with chickens running around and cheese turning into… well, different cheese… and nobody will open a window. Why? Because suffering is better than death.

Lămâie. This is the word for “lemon” in Romanian. Phonetically, it’s like saying “luh-mooie-yay.” La muie is the word for “blowjob.” Phonetically it’s pronounced “Lah moo-yay.” Notice the slight difference. A native English speaker does not easily shop for lemons in Romania. Not without being slapped repeatedly.

In all seriousness, this last weekend’s Romanian potluck made me really long for being back in Romania. I had a great community with amazing friends. I loved the food, language and culture. If anybody is visiting Eastern Europe I really recommend taking a couple of weeks to sample the regional pleasures of this old and unique people. You will not be disappointed!

(Sometimes) I have to draw a line…

On October 3, 2013 By Justin AlmeidaIn Life3 Comments

well said sir... well said... — well said sir… well said…

I’m a pretty liberal guy. I believe in gay marriage, immigration reform and socialized medicine. I vote democrat. I try to respect different points of view and cherish the beauty in different kinds of people. However, there are times where I have to draw my tolerance line in the sand. One of those times was when this video popped up in my Facebook feed. Creationism=instant rage.

Don’t get me wrong. I fully support a creationist’s right to believe their scientifically incorrect bastardization of the Christian Bible. Just like I support the KKK holding white supremacy rallies–I absolutely hate what they believe and will do everything in my power to stand against what they preach. But I agree they have the freedom to believe it as long as they aren’t breaking any laws.

3p12z7 — but that means I would have to question God, right?

However it is people like this, so inflexibly attached to their way of thinking, who fly jetliners into tall buildings. Parents who brainwash their children into creationist beliefs are child abusers, just as much as a racist brainwashes their children into hating people of color. It’s how all fundamentalist systems are perpetuated; through rejection of debate and critical thought in lieu of a creed which has no other backing than “because I told you so.”

My wife and I were volunteer educators for the Clark County Wetlands Park when we lived in Nevada. It was our job to take groups out into the wetlands and desert and talk about the flora, fauna, ecosystems and geology of the area. My favorite part was seeing the look on children’s faces when we would come across coyote tracks or find an owl pellet to dissect. I helped make science and the natural world fun and amazing! Every group was great…

Except for one. My wife and I were signed up to lead a small group one morning of a few parents and their kids. I didn’t think anything was amiss until one of the adults pulled us aside before we began and told us that the children were home schooled and if we could please just leave out any mention of geology and evolution. For a moment, I had no idea what this guy was talking about. Heather had to explain it to me, and even then I couldn’t believe it.

wait! remember when Lot's wife looked back! — wait! remember when Lot’s wife looked back!

This guy didn’t ask me to lie to the kids (the parents did that themselves). But they did ask me to withhold the truth (which I shamefully did). Heather and I tried to sneak in bits and pieces of science into trip. Unfortunately, instead of an experience of exploration, this time our tour was more like visiting the zoo. “Oh look, a bird. Isn’t it pretty?” and “This is a tree. Isn’t that wonderful?” I felt sorry for the kids and pissed off at their parents for the lies and misinformation they fed into their minds.

That was the day I drew my line in the sand. I went from merely tolerating creationism to opposing it. There is a reason I work at a nonprofit that fights against injustice, poverty and slavery. I believe these things are wrong and that I can do something about them. I see creationism as an injustice just as bad as homophobia and racism. It makes our society and culture worse. I’m a peaceful guy; I really just want to live and let live. But sometimes you just have to say “No! This is wrong!”

And this is wrong.

Rev Justin Almeida, MDiv

Author: Justin Almeida

What Christmas is (supposedly) about…

Why I (still) believe in miracles…

What am I (really) afraid of?

(Rejecting) The Seven Year Itch

(Romanian) Things I miss…

(Sometimes) I have to draw a line…

Share Necessary but not Sufficient with friends:

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Share Necessary but not Sufficient with friends:

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