Category: Life

General tidbits

Seattle, stop complaining.

On By Justin AlmeidaIn Life2 Comments
the sun
the sun… bringer of life or malevolent god?

Today it hit 90 degrees in Seattle. The weather prognosticators say the next two days will be the hottest of the year. Tomorrow is supposed to be 95. For Seattle, these are apocalyptic temperatures. 90 degrees is something nobody in Seattle thinks about until it happens. Then all local hardware stores sell out of their fans, portable air conditioners, and ice makers.

I can only laugh.

I grew up in the 125 degree Las Vegas heat; today was a nice spring day. Yes, I grew up with air conditioning. That’s beside the point. My ability to take heat is a matter of regional pride. I remember driving auto parts around the city one summer with no air conditioning in my car. Sweat would evaporate before it could run down my face. Remember, it’s a DRY heat.

cookies
no joke. we do this in the summer where i come from.

It’s a real consideration. Humidity in Puget Sound hovers between 40%-70%. 90 degrees feels a little more… insane oppressive. Nowhere near the hellish breathable air of a southern summer, with 100 degree temps and 100% humidity. I have felt such things. I will pass down these memories to my grandchildren, scaring them into good behavior. I will tell them if they don’t behave, they will be taken to the mythical land of Mississippi, where people go in the summer to be punished for their sins.

It’s not far from the truth. Right?

Anyways, I found myself sweating in my office today. No A/C, no fans. Just me, computers, a server, an open window, and no air movement. I got up for a moment and found that my clothing had bonded into a single garment held together by bodily fluids. Ew. I find our ability to sweat to be a design flaw. It is supposed to cool us down. It fails. (much like histamines–they’re supposed to protect our body from foreign toxins; all they do is make me miserable and drug companies richer.)

I digress. It’s uncomfortably warm. All of Seattle is complaining about it. I refuse. I’ve paid my dues at the altar of the sun god. I’ve survived heat that could kill a person. (truth–I almost had a Couch Surfer die because she didn’t follow my suggestions for dealing with a Vegas summer) Seattle, you need to get over your 2 days of 90 degree temps. If the rest of the U.S. hears you, you’re gonna get jumped in the parking lot. True story.

Fear is the mind killer

On By Justin AlmeidaIn Life3 Comments

“There is absolutely no value to my life if I begin to lose my mind.”

These were challenging words I heard in a sermon two weeks ago. The topic: the loss of reverence in modern society. Lately I have been attending a Unitarian Universalist congregation near my home. Every topic has been inspiring. This one went above and beyond.

I should frame those words in context. The minister was speaking about how we have lost a sense of reverence in modern life. We expect science to solve all mysteries. We prize our mind and intellect over emotion and creativity. We have no more spaces that allow peak experience: a feeling of connection with something greater than ourselves. Our homes, work, churches and nature have been reduced to the quantifiable. Life has become utility; if it is no longer useful, it needs to be replaced.

This is a matter of perspective. In my own life I have small moments of rapture. I notice a particular flower one day, a mushroom the next, a bird or piece of nature or a shooting star. My mind will lose itself in the wonder of these things. How I can be at a particular place and time and experience them. I experience a spiritual connection in the beauty and complexity of the universe. To sound droll; I find the divine in everything.

Sometimes I look at my wife and experience a sense of awe. How amazing to be the one person out of billions to connect with her in such a way, that she would dedicate herself to me for the rest of our lives. How lucky. How unbelievable! I have no problem finding a reverence for humanity; my community, friends and family.

Yet, those words above haunt me. I realized I have no reverence for my own self. I only find worth in my mind. It terrifies me that a random accident could result in brain damage. I am not the brightest bulb in the box, but I can critically think and rationalize to a good extent. But if I suddenly were to suffer severe brain damage, I would want my friends and family to put me down like a lame horse. I do not want to live my life that way; my self and worth resides in my ability to critically think and rationalize.

I am horrified by this realization. I thought I believed all people have unique value, regardless of status. Even the most mentally challenged individual deserves to be treated like a human being; with respect and dignity. I really do have a reverence for humanity, though I may fail in expressing it at times. So where is my compassion when it comes to my own worth? Why do I place such a high position to my own mind and intellect?

It all comes down to fear. I am afraid of suddenly being less. I am afraid of having to depend on others completely.  I am afraid of being a burden. I am afraid of being weak. I am afraid of a million things, all of which keep me from finding my own intrinsic reverence.

I suppose now that I realize how much holds me back as an individual, I can face my demons. This is easier said than done in a world that inspires fear: I am not fit enough, good looking, intelligent, accomplished, wealthy, engaged… I am surrounded by induced fear and must conquer it every day.

I don’t want my own sense of worth to be solely dependent on a small lump of matter between my ears. I want to be free from my own dehumanization. My goal is to recognize my own intrinsic value for ALL that I am; imperfections and all. I want to hold myself as high as I hold the rest of humanity.

The heart is in the groove…

On By Justin AlmeidaIn Life2 Comments
Rock like an Egyptian

Human beings love music. We seem genetically programmed to hear it, make it, and experience it. This probably has to do with our brain’s ability to find patterns in random experiences and extrapolate those patterns into more complex experiences. A million years ago an emerging humanity heard things in nature, liked what it heard, and immediately tried to make it better. Music defines culture, identity, and ritual; it is a part of the human condition.

It is no surprise that I enjoy music. Maybe not as much as some of my audiophile friends. I am not really interested in celebrity or artist bios. The hipster fascination with having heard an unknown (or known) band first makes me want to stop drinking PBR. I have a hard time placing an artist voice to a particular band. I do not spend hours scouring the internet for the latest and most obscure. I accept that this may make me uncultured or at least out of touch. I define my love of music as being an extension of my emotions.

I would do anything for love… really…

Most Plenty of my friends cringe at my musical leanings. I have an undying love for rock opera; specifically the Who, Styx, and Meatloaf. I treasure acts like Journey, Kansas and Bon Jovi. Occasionally I indulge myself with Roxette followed by a U2 chaser. I am unashamed of this. Their music gives me joy, especially when heard randomly at a bar or on the radio. (usually accompanied by air guitar)

However, I believe my musical taste has redeeming qualities. I find Tom Waits and Leonard Cohen fascinating. Part of my heart is set aside for the greats like Frank Sinatra, Elvis, Johnny Cash and the Beatles. I don’t know much about blues but I enjoy it every time I hear it. A few weeks ago I attended a bluegrass festival in Puget Sound and I have sat in rapture for experimental jazz infused Jewish traditionals in Budapest. World music brings a smile to my lips, whether it is from Africa or the Middle East. I am calmed by classical and inspired by neo contemporary.

One common trend carries through all of this–I am emotionally attached to the music I listen to. The right song at the right time will have me crying shedding man water. When exercising, a particular set can literally make me faster and stronger. Music will calm me down when I am angry or stoke the flames to an inferno. This explains why I don’t care about the who’s or what’s of music; emotionally I only care about the how’s and why’s.

Rock on!

In a world where I have to be cold, hard and calculating, music is my catharsis. This is why I have no shame jumping around to the Safety Dance or sitting in a corner and weeping to Tori Amos. Music rounds me out as a person and allows me a dimension I otherwise would never express. To everybody everywhere, remember: “Be excellent to each other.”

I nothing you.

On By Justin AlmeidaIn Life2 Comments
Fine, see if I care! Go ahead and jump.

A friend of mine and I were in the car recently talking about relationships ending. Not just romantic ones; personal ones of any kind. Sometimes friendships grow apart. Lovers break up. Family members have feuds. In all circumstances, strong emotions are involved.

Hate is just another way of loving somebody; except without gooey fluffy stuff. Both involve obsession, physical unease, tears and catharsis. They inspire bad poetry and 80’s rock ballads. Love and hate can lead a person to outlandish and freakish feats. Each leave a swath of destruction behind them. At least we give love the benefit of the doubt. Hate gets a bad rap because it’s all negative and stuff.

Kirby, little ball of hate?

My friend and I both agreed that it would be better to just ‘nothing’ somebody. When you see the person, you just don’t care anymore. They’re dead to you. Now THAT is the ultimate end to a relationship, when emotional attachments just cease to exist. I just wonder if this was even possible?

Human beings are emotional creatures. We have all these insane wonderful chemicals (estrogen, testosterone, endorphins, dopamine, serotonin) motivating us to love and hate and eat and cry and mate and watch Jersey Shore. They don’t make any sense! When one of these little bad boys get out of whack… well, we know what happens.

Sociopath? I thought I just had a chemical imbalance…

How do we just shut it down for someone, especially if we had some kind of relationship with them? Personally I think it is impossible except for the sociopathic. We like need to feel something towards others. It’s what glues society together and holds us back from mass murder.

At the end of the day, however, the best revenge is to just ‘nothing’ a person. It would end their control over your emotions.  It would be like they never existed, and for a human being, isn’t that the equivalent of hell? To never have existed at all, even when you do…