Author: Justin Almeida

Unitarian Universalist minister, hospital chaplain, public theologian, active activist, peaceful warrior.

I nothing you.

On By Justin AlmeidaIn Life2 Comments
Fine, see if I care! Go ahead and jump.

A friend of mine and I were in the car recently talking about relationships ending. Not just romantic ones; personal ones of any kind. Sometimes friendships grow apart. Lovers break up. Family members have feuds. In all circumstances, strong emotions are involved.

Hate is just another way of loving somebody; except without gooey fluffy stuff. Both involve obsession, physical unease, tears and catharsis. They inspire bad poetry and 80’s rock ballads. Love and hate can lead a person to outlandish and freakish feats. Each leave a swath of destruction behind them. At least we give love the benefit of the doubt. Hate gets a bad rap because it’s all negative and stuff.

Kirby, little ball of hate?

My friend and I both agreed that it would be better to just ‘nothing’ somebody. When you see the person, you just don’t care anymore. They’re dead to you. Now THAT is the ultimate end to a relationship, when emotional attachments just cease to exist. I just wonder if this was even possible?

Human beings are emotional creatures. We have all these insane wonderful chemicals (estrogen, testosterone, endorphins, dopamine, serotonin) motivating us to love and hate and eat and cry and mate and watch Jersey Shore. They don’t make any sense! When one of these little bad boys get out of whack… well, we know what happens.

Sociopath? I thought I just had a chemical imbalance…

How do we just shut it down for someone, especially if we had some kind of relationship with them? Personally I think it is impossible except for the sociopathic. We like need to feel something towards others. It’s what glues society together and holds us back from mass murder.

At the end of the day, however, the best revenge is to just ‘nothing’ a person. It would end their control over your emotions.  It would be like they never existed, and for a human being, isn’t that the equivalent of hell? To never have existed at all, even when you do…

I can ferment that!

On By Justin AlmeidaIn Beer2 Comments
Image
Oh no, whatever should I choose?

I used to think I knew beer, until I moved to Seattle. It was quickly proved that I knew nothing. Tasting the  Northwest craft brewing scene was like walking into that exclusive nightclub that you only ever heard about. A new world filled with fermented beverages that could only come from dusty tomes excavated from long dead civilizations. You drink from the cup and become a believer; yes, it is a religious experience.

Some of you may be thinking: “I don’t like beer.”

As my friend Chris likes to say. “Nay! You just haven’t tried the RIGHT beer.”

Over the last year, I have been introduced to home brewing through an extended family member. I only wish I had experienced it earlier. I used to think that brewing involved complicated chemistry skills, like alchemists of old who could turn lead into gold. Only a select few knew the secrets of unlocking inebriation from inert matter, and they held the status of demigods.

Looks harder than it really is.

However, I found out that fermentation is actually a very easy process. Enough sugar and bacteria and you can ferment just about anything. Organic matter is just waiting to be turned into alcohol. Apples? Easy. Cabbage? No problem. Cats? It’s in the bag. But just because you CAN ferment something, doesn’t mean you SHOULD. In fact, it does take a certain amount of skill to make alcohol taste good.

Or at least, the right equipment and ingredients. Take beer. You have your grains (which produces malt; sugar for your yeast to eat).  You have your hops, which provide an amount of flavoring and act as a preservative. You have your water (clean water = clean brew). Finally, you have yeast (creates the alcohol; provides majority of flavor and texture). Put them together in the right way, and you get beer!

But it doesn’t stop there. Craft brewing is like tricking out your car; small personal touches that take the basic model and turn it into something amazing and unique. In the last year, I have tasted amazing heavenly brews that I never knew were possible. I have had a chocolate stout that tasted like a malted milkshake. I have had porter with the character and flavor of bourbon and caramel. I have had ale that tasted like lemonade and pilsners that were like refreshing iced green tea.

This beer tastes like fermented unicorns!

So if you think you don’t like beer, think again. Put down that Rolling Rock. Throw away that Coors Light. Jump onto the internet and check out breweries like Dogfish Head, Stone, Rogue, and New Belgium. You will not be disappointed!

If you want a list and ratings of beer that I have experienced over the last year jump over to Untappd, a fun social networking plugin that is a must for beer lovers (and aspiring beer lovers).